I just read about one of the "reality show" moms pushing her six-year-young daughter to practice her dancing until this child cried in utter exhaustion and overwhelm.
Why do some moms do this?
This is poor mothering. Is it the mom who wants to succeed in whatever she is shoving her child to excel at? Usually, yes, absolutely.
Often the mom -- or dad -- who unceasingly and uncaringly rides her child beyond the child's capacity, is someone who lacks love for herself. Often, this kind of mom is feeling deficient in some area. Yes, the mom may say she wants the best for her child, that no one supported her (the mom) so she (the mom) is being supportive of her child. This is a smokescreen for callousness.
It is vital that we moms encourage our children. It is imperative that we moms recognize the talents, abilities, tendencies of our children, and empower our children to realize the fruition of their gifts. As well, as good moms, we also help our children with their challenges.
To work a child -- or anyone -- till that child is exhausted and spent physically and emotionally is both physical and emotional abuse.
Whether on a reality show or in "real" life, this is obvious.
Yes, every person has her or his own breaking point, and mom has to be astute enough to avoid confusing true encouragement with abusive bullying.
When mom, or the "star" of a reality show, or anyone else is the bully, we have to call it what it is. Child abuse. Bullying. Disparaging a small one so the adult "looks good." In actuality, the adult, the ostensible grown-up, actually looks pathetic, forceful, manipulative, dominating, cruel, unfeeling, and a host more.
This differs greatly from mom or a teacher being lax, careless, lazy, overly permissive.
Teaching a child internal discipline so the child innately looks to excel is what's needed. This is better accomplished by encouragement, discussion of what can be done better, accountability, love. Seemingly torturing a child in the name of love or encouragement is a mega lie to good parenting.
This confusion is part of what leads to emotional chaos in a person's life. Also, deep within herself, a mom knows when she has pushed her child too much. If the mom is unaware of this, this mom needs professional counseling.
All of us benefit from transformational, evolutionary, energy, psychological work. To avoid getting this is both foolish and dangerous.
Be a loving, encouraging, creative, enlightened mom, causing evolved kids. Require the best your child can give. Reward your child for every step she or he takes. Give them challenges, some of which are within their grasp, some of which are a true reach. Allow your child to know success and "failure," meaning not quite making the mark. We all have to know how to deal with this. This way the child learns that she or he can "fold," and then pick her (or him) self up and go again.
These are vital life lessons. Everyone benefits from learning them. It is ongoing.
Have a blessed New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Audrye
MamaHeart
Transformation Catalyst, Author, Clairvoyant Consultant, Spiritual Therapist, Healer, Health & Wellness Coach, Enagic Kangen (R) Water Distributor, BlogTalkShow Host, Artist, and, definitely, Mom and Grammie
www.TheMothersManual.com (GET the BIG BOOK on SPECIAL till 1.1.13 on Kindle and Nook)
www.Audrye.org
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Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
To Spank or Not to Spank? Just say NO to Spanking!
What do you think of parents slapping their kids? Do you believe in corporeal punishment? Do you hit your child?
It is inappropriate to slap, spank or hit a child. Speak to your child, explain what's needed and wanted for the child. Stop the objectionable behavior, use positive reinforcement, and give at least 10 yes's to each one no. Have the child know she or he is still a good person. Spare the rod, without spoiling the child.
When a parent, whether mom or dad, spanks her/his child, the parent teaches the child that hitting, bullying, violence is the way to do things. The child learns to be manipulative and to have lower self-esteem, and feels demeaned, less-than. Why is this? The child was disrespected by the parent who is supposed to love the child. This also teaches great confusion about what love is and what love does.
The child may or may not stop the objectionable behavior, not because the child learned anything but because the child prefers that the slapping or nasty verbal language and tone coming from the parent be stopped. So, if the child has to agree with the parent, the child often will do so. Did this mean the child learned the lesson the parent meant to teach? No.
Have I ever hit a child? Yes. Also, afterward, I felt I was the one who made the mistake. Always. It was a bigger lesson for me than for the child, the few times in my life that I did it, spurring me to grow spiritually. I also apologized to the child, and explained what needed to be done.
Where are you with this? Where are you with "spare the rod and spoil the child"? For me, it's ridiculous. Once at a lovely event, another mom and I had a difference of opinion about this, she feeling that because the Bible ostensibly taught this, she was totally justified to smack her daughter when her daughter misbehaved. In fact, she felt I was disparaging of her religious beliefs because I told her the Bible was written in a patriarchical age by men who often had a dominating controlling mentality. She was in a huff. I maintain there are better ways.
Sparing the rod and finding more enlightened ways to teach one's child by and large brings forth a healthier child. Yes, absolutely, discipline your child. Be appropriately firm yet loving. Refrain from slapping, hitting, whacking, smacking. This means you are out of control, especially if the parent does this when the parent is angry. This is one of the reasons we still have war.
See more on Kindle and Nook with THE MOTHER'S MANUAL, A SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL GUIDE TO CHILD REARING AND MOTHERHOOD.. Just put the name in. The entire book is on Kindle at
Check out article @http://www.everydayhealth.com/kids-health/0807/parents-spank-slap-kids-in-public-more-often-than-thought.aspx?xid=aol_eh-news_9_20120806_&aolcat=HLT&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk1%26pLid%3D189608
Put your comment here....
Lots of Love,
MamaHeart
Audrye
www.TheMothersManual.com
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
www.Audrye.org
www.GoddessHeartWater.com
It is inappropriate to slap, spank or hit a child. Speak to your child, explain what's needed and wanted for the child. Stop the objectionable behavior, use positive reinforcement, and give at least 10 yes's to each one no. Have the child know she or he is still a good person. Spare the rod, without spoiling the child.
When a parent, whether mom or dad, spanks her/his child, the parent teaches the child that hitting, bullying, violence is the way to do things. The child learns to be manipulative and to have lower self-esteem, and feels demeaned, less-than. Why is this? The child was disrespected by the parent who is supposed to love the child. This also teaches great confusion about what love is and what love does.
The child may or may not stop the objectionable behavior, not because the child learned anything but because the child prefers that the slapping or nasty verbal language and tone coming from the parent be stopped. So, if the child has to agree with the parent, the child often will do so. Did this mean the child learned the lesson the parent meant to teach? No.
Have I ever hit a child? Yes. Also, afterward, I felt I was the one who made the mistake. Always. It was a bigger lesson for me than for the child, the few times in my life that I did it, spurring me to grow spiritually. I also apologized to the child, and explained what needed to be done.
Where are you with this? Where are you with "spare the rod and spoil the child"? For me, it's ridiculous. Once at a lovely event, another mom and I had a difference of opinion about this, she feeling that because the Bible ostensibly taught this, she was totally justified to smack her daughter when her daughter misbehaved. In fact, she felt I was disparaging of her religious beliefs because I told her the Bible was written in a patriarchical age by men who often had a dominating controlling mentality. She was in a huff. I maintain there are better ways.
Sparing the rod and finding more enlightened ways to teach one's child by and large brings forth a healthier child. Yes, absolutely, discipline your child. Be appropriately firm yet loving. Refrain from slapping, hitting, whacking, smacking. This means you are out of control, especially if the parent does this when the parent is angry. This is one of the reasons we still have war.
See more on Kindle and Nook with THE MOTHER'S MANUAL, A SPIRITUAL AND PRACTICAL GUIDE TO CHILD REARING AND MOTHERHOOD.. Just put the name in. The entire book is on Kindle at
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008FQDRKG
and on Nook at
Put your comment here....
Lots of Love,
MamaHeart
Audrye
www.TheMothersManual.com
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/GoddessHeartNetwork
www.Audrye.org
www.GoddessHeartWater.com
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